Welcome!

The Basics

• You control a paddle at the bottom of the game screen. This paddle is greyish-white. You can move this paddle left and right using your mouse. You can also click your mouse to do various things (such as releasing the ball or firing weapons.)
   
• Above your paddle, you'll see an assortment of bricks. These bricks are the very bane of your existence, and it's up to you to destroy them. Once you clear all of the bricks (with some exceptions) from the screen, you'll be able to advance to the next level, where you will be presented with a new array of the infernal things. Learn to hate the bricks with every fiber of your being; they are the source of all your sorrow.
   
• Attached to your paddle is a ball. Once you click your mouse, the ball will fly free of your paddle, rising toward the bricks.
   
• When the ball strikes a brick, it will (in most cases) damage or destroy the brick and bounce back. Some bricks cannot be destroyed by normal means, and others require multiple strikes to be destroyed.
   
• As the ball comes back down toward the bottom of the screen, use your paddle to deflect the ball back toward the bricks.
   
• If you fail to deflect the ball and it falls off the bottom of the screen, you will lose a paddle. You start with only three paddles, but you can earn more as the game progresses.
   
• You can pause the game at any time by pressing the [ESCAPE] or [P] key. Once paused, you may either resume the game in progress or quit the game.
   
• If you quit a game in progress, you'll be able to resume that game from the beginnning of the level you're currently on. (Note that quitting a game mid-level means that you won't keep the points you've earned thus far on that level!)

The Slightly-Less-Basic Basics

Life, unfortunately, is cruel.

There are little guys hiding inside the bricks. They're called nains. The nains, being of a generally whimsical and mischievous nature, have made it their sole mission in life to torment you, the player. They'll distract you. They'll throw stuff at your paddle. They'll mock you when you lose a paddle. They are naughty, naughty little boys and it's up to you to deal with 'em.

Fortunately, dealing with 'em is both fun and profitable! To start, simply knock a nain from his lofty perch using your ball. This will send the little guy flying, tiny little hands and tiny little feet flailing like mad. Now, you can simply let him fall off the bottom of the screen to an uncertain fate, or you can exact some revenge on the little jerks (and score some points) by bouncing them with your paddle. Each consecutive bounce earns you twice as many points as the last. After a certain number of bounces, the nain will burst into a powerup! You can collect these powerups to enhance gameplay in a variety of ways; see below for a full list of powerups and what they do.

So, in a slightly larger nutshell than the last nutshell: bounce the ball against the bricks using the paddle. Use your ball to knock the nains from their bricks. Use the paddle to bounce the nains, which will give you points and powerups.

Tips, Hints and How To Cheat Outright

• To the right of the play field, you'll see a variety of handy statistics. Your current score is marked with a dollar sign ($); the number of paddles you have is marked with a heart; and the number of levels you've played during this game is marked with a star. The actual name of the level you're currently on is displayed below the level indicator; below that, you'll be able to see your personal best score and level count, as well as the best score and level count for all players on your computer.
   
• While it's tempting to go on a mad nain-bouncing spree, remember that the ball is more important. You miss the ball, you lose a paddle!
   
• If the game seems herky and/or jerky, try changing the "Graphics Options" to "Faster Graphics" and the "Extras" to "No Ball Trails". This should speed things up significantly for you.
   
• If your paddle is hit by any of the junk the nains throw at you, you'll lose some points. Even worse, you'll be shaken for a moment, and the paddle will respond sluggishly. If you take a heavy barrage all at once, the paddle will freeze completely for a second or two!
   
• Some bricks are so tough that only The Brickhammer can hurt them. Others require a special type of damage to break them, such as fire or ice. Yet other bricks will only break once you've destroyed the "key" bricks they correspond to. Fortunately, you generally don't need to break bricks that won't break with a regular ball.
   
• If the game is too hard, try playing at the "Easy" level. If the game is too easy, give "Hard" or "Insane" a whirl.
   
• If you want to cheat, feel free! Just pause the game, press the [C] key, and click OK. Now you can use the keyboard cheats while the game is running! Some of my favorites: press [G] to keep from losing your ball (and to substantially grow your paddle), press [N] to advance to the next level, press the number [1-7] to change your ball, and press [S] to toggle slow motion! (Bear in mind that enabling cheats will disqualify your current game from the high-score list. It's only fair!)
   

Winning The Game

Of course, there are the bragging rights of holding an insanely high score. There's also the shame of revealing just how many hours you've spent playing the game.

Don't worry. I won't judge you. Frankly, I have no room to talk.

Conclusion